How many people are talented enough to balance on one leg while having a child snoring on their back? This momma is!...Was this pose fun? Not really. Dangerous? Neh. Awkward looking? Totally
How about this one?
This one is even more awesomer.
That being said, this blog is hard for me to write, but I feel like I need to. So here ya go...I'm pretty much dreading the holidays. I normally love the winter, I get excited about all the fun family parties and festivities. But not this year. I feel like all of my 'families' are gone. Torn apart. Splito. Well, because, technically they are. It makes me feel sick to even blog about it. I'm just dreading feeling like I did on October 2nd of this year. The night before Audrey's birthday. It was one of the worst nights of my life. Mostly because I was picturing my life a year ago, and how I was preparing to give birth to this little person that I had so impatiently been waiting for....and exactly a year later I was alone, laying in bed, thinking about how I was alone, laying in bed. Alone. Even though I had Audrey sleeping in the next room. Giving birth to her was such a huge milestone in my life too. I felt like we both deserved a medal. I never in a million years thought this is how it would turn out, especially just one year later (if that even makes sense).
I was a wreck.
Entering a distraction picture
I never felt worse I dont think. I sat by my phone. Expecting it to ring. Expecting a certain person to call and say, Hey, remember a year ago when we were about to meet the little person we created? But nothing. Expectations are basically just a way to set yourself up for being let down. Arg. Ugh. Damn. I get a knot in my throat just thinking about it. I guess its something I have to move on from. Get over. But do you see why I am dreading the holidays? Like we say around here...SHIZZERS. I guess its true that all this stuff just takes time. I'm so lucky to have my loving and supportive parents and of course the cutest daughter (who, by the way, learned how to pucker up and lean in to give me kisses which may be the cutest kisses I've ever had)
Time for another distraction picture!
Audrey got her first Mullet-Braid!!
See? Someone got a little excited and decided the mullet needed a 'do. Hence the brilliant idea for the mullet-braid! I was so proud of my creation
So basically, I've grown so much as a person in this last year. It sounds so cliche...well, because it is. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be even a quarter of who I am today without my little Cheeser and I am so grateful for that. It's so strange, once you have this totally cool little sidekick with you all the day all you really do is be with them and help them grow into a fun, awesome person . Its hard to know if the decisions you are making are the right ones. I guess nobody ever does.
Enter distraction picture here
I think the altitude gets to her...
So, enough with the 'emotional' stuff, shiz, I know I really should quit feeling sorry for myself. It could always be worse and I'm doing everthing I should be with the situation at hand. Now on to some fun stuff! We went SNOWSHOEING today!
If anyone knew how much freakin preperation it takes to get a one year old up on a mountain for a few hours I believe they would be impressed with me. *tootin my own horn* Its freakin tough! Yet I enjoy it so so so SO much that its all worth it.
Sometimes I have to start packing the night before our hikes. Audrey has to have food, milk, diapers, wipes, garbage bags incase she poops, sunscreen, proper clothes, extra clothes, emergency kit, flashlights, camera, water for me, and now that its winter its even more preperation. I have to make sure Audrey is super bundled and that I'm properly dressed. When I hike I sweat like a freakin pig which means my clothes get wet. I have to make sure I dont get hypothermia when its 10 degrees outside and windy. Sweating is a guarantee... SO I have to layer and wear the proper tops and try not to freeze myself. Then I have to get the poles, snow shoes and strap the snow shoes on back of the baby carrier...and somehow manage to get it all up on my back and thats just the beginning. Then I hike for miles. Freak, tootin my horn again.
Wanna see what is also a necessary winter hiking item?
Yaktrax! Obviously these arent my feet (although I did buy the mens size)...but these are so freakin cool! I just slide them on my feet and off we go! I got them at Costco, two pair for $13. They grip SO well in the slippery spots that don't quite require a snowshoe but you need more than a hiking boot. Awesome dot com I tell ya!
Wanna see how truely cool it is to snowshoe?
Cheeserface was smilin and oohin and ahhin the whole time. I kinda look like I have a crossed eye in this picture...
My sweet new Yukon Charlies!
Doughnut Falls!
Uh oh. I dropped a pole. How to pick it up...another intense squattage moment...
The non-existant trail infront of me! I had to make my own markings...
The trail behind me! Its the only decent way to get a self portrait when you are out by yourself
It was so quiet, like we were the only two people on this planet. The snow was so sparkley and it was such a nice day
Another self portriat!
So, normally I dont go hiking on my own, but I decided to break in the snowshoes. Think I'll go again tomorrow. Then a big group of us are going on Friday. FUN fun FUN I tell ya...see, I'm not always Pamela the Debbie Downer...
Until next time folks! (thanks for readin if ya did!)
I liked this post. It was very open and genuine - not that you ever have a problem with that on your posts. I'm sorry that it's been so difficult for you lately. I got teary-eyed when I read this and hoped that a 'certain someone' would have called you as well. Men can be SO thick sometimes... one day I think he'll realize what his missing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think it's amazing that you tote a one-year-old and all that goes with it up the mountain. I find it difficult to step outside my door with all that I have to bring along now.